October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and this year’s theme is With Survivors, Always. It’s a theme that speaks to me, as I came from a family history of domestic violence. I was so fortunate that my mother had the resources and wherewithal to leave, and when I got to college, I began volunteering on the hotline at the local domestic violence shelter. I continued this work through law school, eventually serving as an overnight shelter volunteer and legal advocate. I now teach a course on domestic violence at American University.
More than thirty years in this field have taught me that leaving is rarely a single moment. It’s a process, and it depends heavily on whether the people and systems around someone show up.
So here are a few ways to show up this month.
Understand it.
Domestic violence isn’t only physical. It’s a pattern of power and control that can be emotional, financial, and digital, and it affects people of every background. According to the CDC, nearly a quarter of women and more than one in ten men report experiencing intimate partner violence in their lifetimes. To go deeper, read Crazy Love by Leslie Morgan Steiner, No Visible Bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder, or In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado. If you’d rather watch something, Maid, based on Stephanie Land’s memoir, shows how money, housing, and paperwork can trap someone as surely as fear.
Recognize that it comes to work.
Abuse doesn’t stay at home. Victims of intimate partner violence lose an estimated 8 million days of work every year. Between a quarter and half report losing a job at least partly because of the abuse, and many are harassed or stalked at work by their abusive partner. That matters, because economic independence is one of the best predictors of whether someone is able to leave. Small, low-cost changes can help someone stay safe and stay employed: a new phone extension, a different entrance, an adjusted shift. If you lead a team or shape policy, VAWnet’s workplace policy collection includes a model policy, a guide for supervisors, and a tool to help you build your own.
Support someone you love.
If you’re worried about someone, you don’t need perfect words. Tell them what you’ve noticed and that you care. Believe them. Remind them it isn’t their fault. Then respect their choices, even if they stay or go back. They are the expert on their own safety, and leaving can be the most dangerous time. Staying connected matters more than having answers. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has guidance for friends and family, and its advocates will talk with you, too.
If it’s you.
You deserve safety, and you don’t have to figure this out alone. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is confidential and available 24/7 at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233), by texting START to 88788, or by chat at thehotline.org. Advocates can help you think through a safety plan and connect with local support. There is great information for teens and young adults at loveisrespect.org. If someone may be monitoring your phone or computer, use a device they can’t access.
Support the people doing the work.
Local programs are lifelines. On a single day in 2025, domestic violence programs served more than 84,000 victims, and more than 53,000 adults and children found refuge in shelter or other housing. But on that same day, more than 13,000 requests for help went unmet because programs lacked funding or staff, most of them for housing. Domestic violence is a leading cause of homelessness for women and their children. Give, volunteer, or amplify your local program’s work. They need it now more than ever.
I know how much it matters when someone picks up that call, answers that text, or offers that support. Awareness is where we start. What survivors need is for us to keep showing up, in October and always.
One Response
Thank you for the insights in this article and for sharing ways on how we can “show up”