Do you sometimes feel like the de facto therapist for a colleague?
It’s important to support the people you work with—but sometimes what they’re going through goes beyond what a quick check-in or encouraging word can address.
When you find yourself in that position, it can be hard to step back without feeling like you’re giving them the Heisman.
So how do you offer a more graceful handoff?
Start by acknowledging what they’re experiencing. A simple, sincere statement like “That sounds awful” or “Wow, I’m so sorry you’ve got so much on your plate right now” can go a long way.
Then, frame it in terms of what they need. I often say something like, “That’s so much to manage. Do you have help?” or “I’m amazed you’re holding all of this together, but you shouldn’t have to do it alone.”
Next, refer to a specialist. You might say, “Have you thought about getting some support? Our EAP is great—they can refer you to all kinds of services,” or “You deserve real support, from someone who truly knows how to help. Have you considered speaking with a therapist who specializes in this kind of thing?”
Finally, close with kindness. “You’re doing so well through this incredibly hard time. I just want you to have the support you need. You shouldn’t have to carry this on your own.”
Being a good colleague doesn’t mean being a therapist—it means recognizing when someone needs more than you can give and helping them get to the right place. A warm handoff isn’t a rejection; it’s a form of help and care.
