This season is often described as a time of warmth and connection—get-togethers, celebrations, moments with people who matter. That’s why I was so struck by the latest APA Stress in America survey, which found that more than half of adults in the U.S. are experiencing signs of loneliness: feeling isolated, disconnected, or left out.
It brought to mind a comment from a suicide hotline worker interviewed earlier this year. She shared that nearly every caller had someone in their life who cared about them. The real challenge wasn’t the absence of supportive people, it was the discomfort around being honest about their struggles.
Callers worried about being a burden. They felt they shouldn’t talk about what they were really feeling. But when the hotline worker asked, “If the roles were reversed, would you want your loved one to tell you the truth?” the answer was unanimous: Of course.
If we want to achieve actual connection, we have to find ways to overcome that gap between what we’re willing to share and what we hope others will share with us.
Practical Tools for Real Connection
To close the gap, we need a few tools that make these conversations easier. Here are some to try.
When You Want to Check In on Someone
Sometimes, even a small opening can make it easier for someone to share what they’re carrying:
- “You’ve had a lot on your plate lately. How are you doing right now?”
- “I’ve been thinking about you. How are things going this week?”
- “I don’t need any details if you’re not up for sharing, but I wanted to check in. How’s your head? How’s your heart?”
- “I know it can be hard to talk sometimes. Just want you to know I’m here if you want to. Would you like to get together this week?”
- “No pressure at all, but if you need to talk, I’m available.”
Choose language that feels right and authentic to you, with the goal of expressing that it’s okay for them to open up if they want to, but it’s also fine if they don’t feel like sharing.
When You Need to Open Up (But Worry About Oversharing)
Most people struggle not because they don’t have support, but because they don’t know how to begin. These phrases help strike a balance between honesty and boundaries:
- “I’m dealing with something tough and could use a listening ear. I don’t need problem-solving right now, just some space to talk.”
- “I’m not sure how much to share, but I’m having a hard time and could use some support.”
- “Can I run something by you? I can keep it high-level, but I’d appreciate your perspective.”
- “I don’t want to overwhelm you with details, but I could use someone to talk to. Is now a good time?”
- “I’m having kind of a hard time right now. I don’t need to go into everything, but I wanted you to know.”
If you’d like more guidance on how to draw that line between openness and oversharing, you can read my article on that topic here.
Final Thoughts, and Next Steps
Connection doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in small moments, repeated over time.
This season, and throughout the year, may we make it just a little easier for one another to speak the truth of what we’re carrying. Those few extra seconds of courage—on either side of the conversation—may be what keeps someone from feeling alone.
If this topic resonates with you, I also encourage you to follow the work of Ashley Kirsner, founder of Skip the Small Talk, the hotline worker mentioned above. She does powerful work helping people build more meaningful, authentic connections in their everyday lives.
If you’d like to go deeper on these topics, there are some great, free online trainings on suicide prevention. Here’s one, and another.
Finally, if you’re looking for ways to keep empathy front of mind—for yourself or your team—I’ve just launched Empathy at Work, a curated collection of gifts and tools designed to support compassion, communication, and well-being.
Everything in the store is 15% off through this Friday, December 5th with code EMPATHY15, and you can check it out here: https://store.katharinemanning.com/shop
