After the horrors of apartheid, South Africa created a Truth and Reconciliation Commission to bring to light the atrocities that had been perpetrated. Through the Commission, one woman was able to hear the details of her husband’s death directly from his murderer. She expressed deep gratitude for this testimony: “You have no idea how much of a relief knowing the truth about my husband was. . . . Now I can mourn properly because this has helped me retrace his steps in life in order to let him go in death.”[i]
There is something really powerful about knowing the truth. I worked with crime victims for many years, and one of the things I saw again and again was how much they craved information. They wanted to know what happened, who was involved, who knew what when, and what would happen next. I eventually realized that part of the information-seeking was about trying to regain power in a situation that felt out of control. As John F. Kennedy said, “In a time of turbulence and change, it is more true than ever that knowledge is power.”
It’s not only crime victims who seek information, of course. If you’ve been through a reorganization, you are likely familiar with the frantic rumors and reading of tea leaves as people try to ascertain what is happening, and when, and to whom. Following an accident, a fight, a hard diagnosis, there is often a period where people try to sort through what they know and understand better what they don’t.
This is part three in a series on my LASER technique for responding to trauma in the workplace. In parts one and two, I discussed Listening and Acknowledgement, the first two steps. In this article, I’ll address step three, Share.
If you are in a position to support someone who is going through a difficult experience, one of the most important things you can do is to share information with them, as quickly and as accurately as you can. We often think we don’t have any information to share, but there is always some information that we can impart. Here are a few options:
- Facts
If we have information about the incident that caused the trauma, sharing that information can be incredibly helpful. Thus, following an incident of workplace violence, share any facts known about the incident with those affected. Additional facts may come to light over time, so balance the need to share information quickly with ensuring that the information provided is as accurate and complete as possible. If necessary, let people know that more information will be forthcoming as it is available.
2. Process
Perhaps we don’t actually have any factual information about the incident. There is still information we can share, like process information—what happens next, how decisions are made, who is involved, and how long the process will take. This is useful information for people to have, and also can be comforting as it communicates that the person is not alone is his experience; there is a whole process in place for it.
3. Values
Experiencing something awful can make us feel very alone. Learning that what we’ve experienced is important to someone else, and that they think it is wrong, too, can help. Thus, if a college student shares that they’re seeing hate speech in the dorm common areas, hearing “our school condemns hate speech” can be comforting. You can share organizational values, or your own personal values (i.e., either, “We take this very seriously,” or “I take this very seriously”).
4. Unknowns
It is, perhaps counterintuitively, also helpful to be open about the things you don’t know or can’t share. When we are honest about our lack of information or inability to share it, we build trust by showing that we aren’t hiding anything. For instance, if you are tasked with investigating a complaint of bias in the workplace, you will likely be held to a standard of confidentiality about what you learn in interviews. Telling participants in the investigation that you will not be able to share all that you learn, and why, establishes credibility and trust.
Finally, remember that those experiencing trauma and distress may have difficulty processing information. We can help them understand and retain information by being thoughtful about how we’re communicating. First, use short, clear sentences. This is not the time for a lengthy dissertation on your organization’s values. Aim for sentences of five to seven words. Second, repeat yourself. I often think that people in trauma hear about a third of what I’m saying, so if there is some information it’s important that they have, I try to say it at least three times. Third, follow up in writing. Even if the person seems to be comprehending, it’s likely they’ll forget what you’ve said as soon as they walk out your door. Send an email or text later, or hand them a flyer or pamphlet before they leave.
Sharing information with a person who is struggling can help them to feel more certain and secure in a difficult time. There is always some information that you can provide, and when you do it in a clear and concise way, you make it more likely that they’ll retain the information. That’s why Share is step three in my LASER technique.