Last night, I threw out my outline. I had a plan for what we were to cover in class, but the students wanted to talk about something else: Astroworld. We talked about the horrific nature of the tragedy, the desire to hold someone accountable, and how to raise awareness without exploiting and while respecting privacy. They shared their fear, their anger, and their frustration.

In a training I did recently on responding to trauma in the classroom, I talked about the need to be flexible. We may have big plans for the class (or the meeting or the conference session), but we need to listen to what those we’re speaking with are actually experiencing, and be willing to meet them where they are. The reality is that most of the facts we share and the processes we explain will be forgotten within a few years, or even a few months. But the way we model respect and empathy, and the healing we support by our willingness to give people what they need, when they need it–they’ll hold onto that forever.