I recently provided my thoughts for an article in Newsweek on “forced trauma talks” in some workplaces—where employees are required to discuss difficult experiences from their pasts. In case it wasn’t clear, you don’t owe anyone your story of trauma. Workplaces should have the tools to manage trauma at work and make clear that people can talk about what they’re experiencing, but it’s never okay to force someone to share something that they don’t want to share. As I said in the article, “The key is always clarity and choice. You’re letting people know that there is room for you if you want to talk about this, but it is up to you.”
If you’re going to open up a discussion on a sensitive topic, it’s essential that you do it with forethought and care, or you can do more damage.
Here’s how:
First, welcome people with an easy ice breaker that invites participation. Next, be explicit in setting the conversation’s topic and ground rules. Then, start the discussion yourself by modeling that it’s okay to say hard things. For instance, share your own fears or feelings on the topic at issue. After that, ask a specific, open-ended question like “How are you feeling?” Allow time for others to formulate their thoughts; it might be quiet for a bit. Once others start sharing, it’s important to acknowledge each person who speaks. You might say, “Thanks for sharing that, Mike,” or “I hope everyone saw Mia’s insightful comment in the chat.” Finally, end the conversation well by thanking everyone for participating and inviting any last thoughts.
It’s crucial to be willing to talk about hard, messy, and uncomfortable feelings to be authentic at work. By approaching difficult conversations with a desire to listen and forethought, we can foster an open and supportive environment where everyone feels seen, valued, and heard. That’s the key to a better working environment for all of us.