This is the final article in a series on my LASER technique for an empathetic response to trauma on the job, as set forth in my book, The Empathetic Workplace. In previous articles, I’ve covered Listen, Acknowledge, Share, and Empower. Today, I’m discussing the last step, Return.
The fifth step of LASER, Return, refers both to a literal return to the person in trauma to check in on them, and also a return to ourselves. Supporting others through hard times can take a toll on us. It’s important that we prioritize our own mental health as we support others.
Check in Later
When we return to someone who has shared something difficult with us, we show that we continue to serve as a resource for them. It gives us an opportunity to see if they have any questions or need any additional information from us. Most importantly, it shows that we care. In a study, those who had attempted suicide were less likely to try again when someone checked in on them thirty days after their attempt. We may never know the importance of that small act of following up with someone.
You may think, after an important conversation, that you would never forget what the person is going through. You’ll get busy, though. The pressing issues of the day will crowd out that important discussion, and then you’ll realize months have gone by. To avoid that, write yourself a quick calendar notice for a few weeks later or after an event they’ve mentioned—“Check in on Dave re: his mom” or “Follow up with Sonya on the surgery.” I also calendar the dates that those close to me have experienced a loss, as I know that the anniversary can be challenging. This helps me to remember, for instance, to send a note to a friend on the anniversary of her husband’s death.
Return to Yourself
Finally, remember to return to yourself. Supporting others takes a toll on us, and if we don’t protect ourselves we can succumb to compassion fatigue, which can show up in a shorter temper, an inability to care, or a diminished immune system. Have you heard the expression, “By the time you’re thirsty, you’re already dehydrated”? Compassion fatigue is a little like that. It can sneak up on you. This is one of those areas where the best defense is a good offense—you have to take steps to protect yourself from it all the time. Here are a few tips:
- Have a Daily Reset
Whatever your self-care is, make it as much a part of your daily routine as brushing your teeth. For me, I do a little yoga and meditation every morning. Yours could be a morning walk, playing the piano for thirty minutes after dinner, saying a prayer before going to bed, or anything else. Aim to make it a habit, and a promise.
2. Reach Out for Support
We all need help sometimes. Try to name five people you can call when you’re having a hard day. Then: call them! Don’t linger in a bad mood. Let others show up for you in the same way that you show up for them when they need it. If what you’re facing is a little more than a friend could help with, consider finding a trained therapist. Don’t forget 988, which you can call or text anytime for support (U.S. only).
3. Notice Your Warning Signs
Despite our best efforts, sometimes compassion fatigue will creep in. The earlier we catch it, the more easily it can be addressed. The key is to learn to identify your own warning signs. Perhaps for you it’s a persistent sore throat or a shorter temper or trouble sleeping. Notice when those first symptoms show up, so that you can take steps to address them before they turn into something bigger. When you see those warning signs, recommit to your daily reset and to reaching out for support.
Conclusion
Thanks for joining me for this series on the LASER technique. I hope you’ve gained some tools to help you navigate conversations with the people who need your support, and how to take care of yourself along the way.