One of the most recent examples we’ve seen of a survivor coming forward to share her story of trauma is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. In a moving Instagram Live and subsequent interview on CBS, she discussed her fear for her life as rioters stormed the Capitol on January 6, 2021, and disclosed for the first time publicly that she is a survivor of sexual assault, noting that, as is often the case for survivors, the recent experience of trauma brought up anew her previous trauma.
Predictably, there was an immediate backlash by those who accused her of manipulating the media or lying outright about her experiences (claims that have been easily disproven). This is a pattern we see again and again. Here is my advice for handling it.
- Don’t engage the haters online. When we see outrageous arguments, we often are angered and want to point out that the person is wrong, wrong, wrong. Unfortunately, every time we engage with the person’s content, we are legitimating it as an argument. We end up retweeting just to show how awful it is, which spreads the content, making others aware of it. I’d rather that those specious arguments suffocate for lack of oxygen. Just shake your head and scroll on by. Those people are desperate for attention and raise these abysmal arguments so that people will look at them. Don’t reward it.
- Be noisy in your support for survivors. Instead, applaud those who come forward to share their stories. Let them know that we believe and support them. This does more than help the survivor who came forward, though that is worthwhile. It also demonstrates to other survivors that the voices of support are much greater and louder than those who would tear them down.
- Help the helpers. There are phenomenal organizations that aid survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, human trafficking, and more. If you are furious, use that as fuel to do more for these organizations. Donate, host a fundraiser, volunteer, and spread the word about their important work. There is always room to do more good in the world.
- Connect with real people. While you shouldn’t engage online with strangers who would tear down survivors, if there is someone in your life who denigrates survivors or can’t understand the big deal, have a conversation. Share facts, like that 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men has been the victim of rape or attempted rape and that 94% of rape survivors exhibit PTSD. Ask more to understand their point of view and gently challenge any misconceptions. And of course, be willing to hear the stories of trauma from those in your life. My book, The Empathetic Workplace: 5 Steps to a Compassionate, Calm, and Confident Response to Trauma on the Job, has advice and practical tips on showing up for others and taking care of yourself along the way.
Trauma isn’t going away, unfortunately. Let’s make sure that support for those in trauma is loud, widespread, and helpful.